Tuesday, April 5, 2016


This is a rant of my thoughts:

Twenty pounds and I don't feel beautiful. After having dinner with a friend and taking a dinner photo I wanted to compare them to a previous picture taken 2 months ago of us both. Twenty pounds since then that I lost and I thought I'd feel better. But after seeing that picture my mind hasn't changed: I'm still not beautiful. I always knew I had a an obscure way of seeing myself. And after I lost the 20 I thought well my face looks better so the rest should...or something, I'm not sure. But after seeing that photo I'm not confident. Like knowing I lost 20lb made me confident like I can do this. I can loose 50lbs. But seeing that photo looks like 20lb is no weight and that makes me depressed. Because what if 50lb is my 20lbs? Then I'm gonna have to loose a lot more than 50lb? I can do it. I'm not saying I can't. It's just frustrating wanting to be small and wear a bikini and look good. It's like an ultimate dream I've always had was to be thin. I fallen into the worlds trap to want to be thin and thinking that the only beauty is, is being thin.

1 Peter 3:3-4
Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as elaborate hairstyles and the wearing of gold jewelry or fine clothes.  Rather, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight.

Something I need to learn I guess....

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